Whole

I always thought that getting pregnant was easy. You know, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. So I fell in love, I’m married, but where’s my baby? Nursery rhymes made it sound like it was a piece of cake. 

Too bad my cravings for cake are not related to pregnancy cravings and more because I’m a buttercream fiend. (Always trying to throw humor into my uncomfortable situations.) 

I never thought about hormones, health, fertility,  and even if the male is shooting “live ones” or “blanks” as you hear people say sometimes. 

But as I patiently wait for my time to come, I find myself often unsatisfied with my life. Like a little piece is missing. That until I have brought life into this world, I have not fully completed who I am as a person, or as a wife. 

And then Pastor Josh made some light shine peer into my dark little world last Sunday. When he told the congregation that children do not make families whole. It is the man and the woman. That my marriage is so important and my relationship with Anthony is so crucial. That my marriage is the foundation that God has created for my life. When he made Adam, and then took his rib, and then woman became part of man; he did not take a rib and there was children. The children came next. But they began with the man and woman. 

So when I think about how I am not giving Anthony children left and right, it’s really that I’m not focusing on giving him myself first. 

God will provide. I will be a mom, and I will be an excellent mom. But I will only be a God-fearing, faith teaching, saved by His Grace example, if I can be a great wife first. 

So as we keep trying and we continuously pray for our own little blessing, I am working on myself to be the best I can be. So that when I do have a baby, they have a marriage they can look at and know is pure. They have a mother who submits to her husband and his leadership in faith for their family. My child will know that their parents love one another and will never stray. 

My children will be so loved, by a mother who is already so in love with them and she hasn’t even met them yet. 

And for my fellow women who are in the same darkness, there is light, and there is hope. Continue working on you. So that your baby will have someone strong. Continue working on your relationships, they will need families to build off of. Continue your relationship with God. He isn’t punishing us, He’s making us into the best moms in the world. We’re special because we get a little more extra time to prepare ❤️ 

My prayers are with you. My heart goes to you. 

Xoxo, Bryce